GUESS WHO'S ON SOMETHING ILLEGAL?

And I'm not talking about Lindsey Lohan... but someone that wouldn't shock you:

Tour de France rider Alexandre Vinokourov tested positive for a banned blood transfusion after winning last weekend's time trial, prompting his Astana team to pull out of the race Tuesday. Despite the latest heavy blow to a sport reeling from doping scandals, Tour de France organizers said the race would go on.

The Kazakh rider, a one-time favorite to win cycling's premier event, was tested after his victory in the 13th stage time trial on Saturday. "Vino has tested positive having to do with a blood transfusion and the team is leaving the Tour," team spokeswoman Corinne Druey said, using the rider's nickname. Vinokourov, a pre-race favorite, also won Monday's 15th stage. He was 23rd in the overall race standings.

Man, the Tour de France must be fucking mind-bottling hard, because most of their athletes are on something that increases muscles, expands head sizes, and makes it more comfortable to sit on those bike seats with small *ahem... manhoods. Why put yourself through miles and miles of grueling work if you can't do it without something performance enhancing? We can eliminate the hard part for you, by shortening the course or adding a rocket pack to the back of your bike.

And if the pain is really worth it, how about cycling through the streets of Baghdad? That'll make the race alot more interesting... and dangerous.

Can't get around a car? Try avoiding an RPG.

Fans a bit too rowdy? How about a gang of AK-47 wielding Shiites? That's more of a challenge.