RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

The jury was out on me whether or not China was a crazy country, but now, the verdict is a full blown "guilty" after this crazy news:

China will fire rockets into the sky to scatter any rain clouds ahead of next year's Beijing Olympics to ensure perfect weather, state media said on Tuesday.

China has already guaranteed perfect weather for the August 2008 Games, but until now had not said how it would make sure its forecast comes true.

Zheng Guoguang, head of the China Meteorological Association, announced the decision to use rockets in Beijing on Monday, the China Daily said.

"As summer is a rainy season, this practice will become the focus of the meteorological services for the Games which will be held in the same season next year," he was quoted as saying.

Oh. MY. GOD This is simply amazing. What better way to get rid of the rain than firing a few explosives into the atmosphere? There's no way that shrapnel could fall from the sky and harm the people below. Hey, sacrifices have to be made to have a weather-perfect Olympics afterall.

Man, China is really getting into this Olympics stuff. I heard they were constructing a huge bubble to put around their pool. And didn't they come up with another and somewhat safer way to get rid of the rain?

Those mother fuckers are really smart over there. Like, WAY too smart. They're probably so smart, they have everything done for them through brain waves. Cooking, homework, business acquisitions, hell, they probably think about having kids and boom... baby (but if it's a girl, she goes in the dumpster). Screw the whole intercourse and 9 months thing.

I'm convinced that they don't even write their own blogs over there, they think thoughts and the images and words immediately pop onto the monitor. Seriously, why hasn't America come up with a plan similar to something like this? You know... we see some rain clouds coming our way, and instead of just accepting the rain as it comes, we unleash HELL onto the skys!

Rain, rain go away, eat my napalm and go fuck off...

Linkage:
Deadspin: China will NOT make it rain