The Week from A to Z

Every week we'll be giving you the biggest news in Alphabet form. It's kinda like us helping you catch up on the week after you've been out partying and getting trashed on Saturday Nights. Don't worry, that hang over will go away soon after a few bottles of water...

Antonio Margarito starts bitching that his WBO welterweight title was stolen from him by the judges in a unanimous decision for Paul Williams last night. "I thought I won the fight," Margarito said through an interpreter. Look jerk, if the only English you understand is "knock-out" and "jab", you deserved to lose. Boxing already sucks, and we want English please, not Spanish. Go get me a Cerveza, tool, and enjoy the loss.

Baby Reggie Bush? Why's he white? Am I color blind? What the fuck? Someone pass the Windex over here, I'm thirsty.

Chelsea takes out Club America of Mexico 2-1 in a friendly on Saturday. John Terry scored a goal, and so did new signing Florent Maudula. Why do you care? Because the LA Galaxy and Chelsea will play a friendly next week, in Beckham's first appearance for the MLS team.

Devils hire Brent Sutter to lead the New Jersey Hockey team to "glory" next season. Which is the Stanley Cup, or nothing for a franchise like New Jersey. Wait, am I blogging about hockey? What the hell? I need to quit lacing my morning Screwdrivers with Bayer Extra and Pepto.

Every defensive end in the NFL is going to be looking at the amount of money Colt-stud Dwight Freeney will be making in Indianapolis. $72 million is enough money to buy a slip and slide into the pool. Chicks dig the slip and slide action.

Freddy Adu might be leaving DC United to head for greener grass in Europe. In my humble opinion, it's necessary for him to head over there and work his skills with some of the best players in the world. The more familiar we are with international play, the better our International team will be. Plus, he should experience some of the exotic flavors Europe has to offer (By the way, might be NSFW).

Gstaad was the home for Frenchman Paul-Henri Mathieu, who defeated Andreas Sappi 6-7 (1-7), 6-4, 7-5 to win the Allians Suisse Open.

Holy Loneliness Batman! Britney Spears is still single, and isn't even looking mediocre. God, she looks like a $20 hooker in this photo. After sex, does she break into "Oops, I did it again"? Damn right you did. Now go make me some coffee woman and put it on SportsCenter. I feel like making fun of Stuart Scott's lazy eye.

Intercourse rates are going down between teenagers says a poll by CNN. We acknowledge the Vols hat here, but they forgot to mention the two in the photo were brother and sister. Oh Tennessee, you know I love you.

Jeff Francouer went "walk off" last night versus the Pirates, lifting the Braves to a 5-4 win. The Braves are only a game and a half back of the NL East leading New York Mets. You can almost taste the lead. Tastes like sweat with a little grain alcohol. For flava' playa'.

Kevin Durant scores 32 points as his NBA Summer League high, and LeBron James was in the crowd. What's the catch? He was only 9 for 23 from the floor. So really, it's not all that impressive putting up 32 with that many possessions. But hey, atleast he's been more productive than Captain Caveman Greg Oden.

Low and behold, another arrest in the world of the NFL as Miami Dolphins receiver Chris Chambers gets arrested for a DWI. Football players really got their act together, and know how to party. These cats are so rich right? Why don't you order a cab? Oh, because the thrill of driving home impaired is second to none. Except that unprotected sex thing... I'm telling you, serious thrill. Like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun.

Money still seems to be a problem for K-Fed, who probably hasn't seen a paycheck since that Super Bowl commercial (which was pretty funny for a Nationwide Commercial).

Notorious trolls over the net are ruining our message boards. I'm glad I got over the Myspace message boards, those assholes have no idea what they're talking about most of the time. And usually the group is littered with "Male Enhancement ads" and "cyber-sex" chats. I've never gone into one of those... today.

Our music industry wants to get involved with the Police Blotter too. Rapper "Remy Ma" (the fuck?) was arrested in a shooting early Sunday morning. You know, I know the hip hop community wants to get the image of being "rough" but your women don't have to jump in too. It's not hot, in fact, it just makes you look like a bitch.

Phil Mickelson fails to turn on the heat in the final round, losing in a playoff at the Scottish Open to Gregory Havret(who?). Again, Mickelson's driver was what killed him in the final round (2006 US Open anyone?). You know, if you've got a lead heading into the final hole, don't you think pulling out the 3-wood on the final tee and taking a par is the right choice? I don't know whether Lefty is dumb or egotistical but this is starting to become old news with him.

Qualifying for the 2010 World Cup will be held in La Paz, Bolivia. Some of the matches will be held in 8,200 altitudes. I'm getting a fucking nose bleed.

Running of the Bulls, perhaps you're familiar with it. I don't understand it, and I don't understand why anyone participates in it. A set of brothers "got horned" by a bull... at the same time. Does it cost money to get involved with this dumbass idea? If you want a thrill, try sex without a condom (IMPORTANT: You have to have no want for offspring for this process to work). That's a thrill everytime.

Sad day in baseball, as Julio Franco is placed on designated assignment by the Mets. How evil of them. Hasn't anyone ever told you to respect your elders?

Totally falling for Jennifer Love Hewitt and her new amazingly large knockers. She's put on a few pounds, but you know what? She still looks hot. KSK gives cheers and jeers to items around the world.

United States run in the U-20 FIFA World Cup comes to an end after a 2-1 loss to Austria. By the way, can we ID some of the kids on Austria's team? Those dudes looked WAY old.

Venezuela has decided they'll be holding onto Wilredo Ledezema after he forgot to take his passport out of his pants during laundry day. What are the odds? Enjoy the margaritas.

Walker got robbed, dawg. You know, I don't know what it's like to be robbed at gunpoint, which kinda makes me happy I'm not a rich athlete, but I'm sure the feeling is exhilarating. Am I asking for it to happen to me? Hell no. Hey, fuck off, I'm feeling claustrophobic.

XY chromosomes will be examined as some "male Spice Girl" lands in the US. Hey, does that make him... err... her a lesbian?

You've always wondered what Cleveland Quarterback Brady Quinn listened to on his iPod... right? Truthfully, you learn alot about a person when you see what they're listening to, and seeing "I wanna sex you up" confirms the claim, he is the most homosexual man in the NFL.

Zaragoza signed Argentinian Roberto Ayala from Villareal on Saturday, trying to make a push for the Primera Liga Title next season. They did earn a spot in the UEFA Championship however, with their 6th place finish in the end of the year standings.


That's all she wrote folks, also do be sure to check in with Epic Carnival tomorrow. That's the big news I was going to have for Monday, but Sons of Sam Malone broke the story today. Yes, I Sterling Gould, (or More Credible if you wish) will be on the list of daily bloggers. I'm stoked to say the least. My big Monday post will be on there tomorrow for our debut. Get ready for the world's goofiest, sick, and most twisted sports blog ever. Chea.

Update: By the way, starting next week, I'm changing the format on this feature. Takes WAAAAAAAAAY too long to write it (I think I've been on the computer since 11 this morning. And damn it, I live a life.)

MORE UPDATES: Shorty from Milk was a Bad Choice took an interview with Blown Coverage. 23 points in 8th grade? Fuck. I can't even score 2 points right now. I want a urine sample.