The Week from A to Z

Every week we'll be giving you the biggest news in Alphabet form. It's kinda like us helping you catch up on the week after you've been out partying and getting trashed on Saturday Nights. Don't worry, that hang over will go away soon after a few bottles of water...

A is for Alabama. I know the fandom is pretty wild in the SEC, because I happen to be a part of their fanbase, but nothing quite like this. What can I say? Football in the south is like a religious practice.

B is for Beckham. The English midfielder made his American debut in the 78th minute vs. Chelsea, which the Galaxy lost 1-0. Considering they were playing one of the best teams in the world, that's not a bad defeat, just can't take glory in a loss. ESPN was surely disappointed, because they were hyping this for quite a while, and Beckham only had a few touches and took a nasty tackle.

C is for China. The country that will be hosting the next Olympic games will "Guaran-Sheed" "guarantee" perfect weather by firing rockets into the air. Further proving that firing explosives can solve any problem.

D is for Douchebag. Like NBA referee (ha! I wonder how long that'll be) Tim Donaghy who is being investigated by the FBI for rigging basketball games for bets in his favor. But who the fuck bets on basketball? I saw it in Hardball but I figured it was a movie so it had to be fake (but a good flick if you ever want to check it out).

E is for Epic Carnival. The world's newest community blog finally made it's debut this week. Don't be shy to leave some love.

F is for felony, which is what Marlins Pitcher Scott Olsen was arrested for early Saturday morning. He was pulled over while drinking under the influence, then punched some cops, and tried to escape on foot. Scottie, you're a pitcher boss. You're not Jose Reyes out there. He's also planning on making his start on Wednesday night versus the Arizona Diamondbacks. That mug shot is fucking fantastic.

G is for Roger Goodell, who's showing he has no spine for not releasing Pacman of his suspension for not suspending Michael Vick after his indictment. Rich people live by separate rules people, wake up. (Epic Carnival, via NOIS)


H is for Padraig Harrington, who won the 2007 Open Championship in a playoff over Sergio Garcia. And you thought he was going to choke it away to Sergio on the 72 hole? I won't lie, I was rooting for El Nino the entire way, I love his style and his enthusiasm. Padraig isn't a bad guy, in fact, he's a very classy individual. I just feel bad for Sergio letting his first major slip away. Kudos to the all the Irish fans.

I is for indictment. You know the one, I don't even need to explain it. You could also say that "I" is for "image" because the NFL's image is lookin' rather shitty at this particular time.

J is for Japanese. Like the Japanese reporter who lost his membership for the Baseball Writers Association of America by asking Roger Clemons for his autograph.

K is for key information, which is what Joe Morgan left out on his rant last Sunday while televising the Phillies and the Cardinals. Morgan recalled a story that someone else lived. Which is uhh... ridiculous.

L is for Lindsey Lohan, who is "trying" to prove to the world that she's no longer an alcoholic/drug addict/animal rapist (sorry, got carried away). Of course, because she's a super star, she won't be charged with a DUI for her little spat she had back on May 27th. Further proving that celebrities and athletes are WAY better than us poor people and live by a separate set of laws. (Might I say that Lindsey is looking rather boobalicious here.)

M is for McFadden. The Heisman candidate is seen here with his sweet-ass Crown Vic sitting on 24" rims. Yeah, it's absurd. I'm pretty sure if he were to win the Heisman, he'd use it as a hood ornament.

N is for National Lampoons Sports Minute. In case you're looking for a few good sporting one liners, check it out.

O is for overweight. Which is exactly what Britney Spears has become. Jesus, she looks like she should be harpooned and gutted our for blubber and oil.

P is for the Philly Phanatic, who I'm rooting for in the Home Run Derby MLB Mascot Brackets. I don't even know why, it's not like I like the Phillies. In fact, they're a rival to the Braves, so I have to dislike them. But the Phanatic is such a great mascot, and he could be used for any irrelevant joke in the world. Just ask my ex-roommate Jim Clark (who resides in Chicago).

Q is for queasy, which is how I felt after watching Tommie Frazier do this.

R is for Robin Williams. Perhaps you've seen this before but it's one of my favorite bits in stand-up comedy history. I thank the Sons of Sam Malone for relinking to this great bit.

S is for shoes, as in ugly ass shoes. Perhaps you're familiar with Crocs? Well, the MLB decided that they needed to be spruced up a little bit with some baseball logos. Nasty. Crocs are what happen when our nation is feeling lazy and wants to be ugly.

T is for two home runs, which is how many Barry Bonds jacked against the Cubs on Thursday.

U is for U-20, as the U-20 World Cup is today. With the championship being determined between Argentina and the Czech Republic.

V is for vulgar, which is what some advertising companies are calling My Brain Says Rage. Truthfully, MBSR is one of the better blogs out there, so putting a cap on their style is just absurd if you ask me. You can't take the fight out of the dog... or some shit like that.

W is for Winky Wright, who suffered a defeat from Bernard Hopkins for the light heavyweight title. Winky complained about Hopkins using his head a little too much. I think boxing would be way more interesting if there were hazards in the ring, like triggers to set off revolvers, well placed snipers, and a crocodile pit.

X is for excellent, which is the level of blogging the Sporting Orange has brought us over the last few months. They'll be moving over to SBNation pretty soon and becoming the official blog for the Florida Gators.

Y is for YOU'RE FUCKING SERIOUS?, which is the question fans of the Phoenix Suns were asking themselves after the move they made to acquire a Supersonics conditional second round draft pick.

Z is for New Zealand, who beat Australia in rugby for the Tri-Nations on Saturday. Rugby always makes me a little uneasy because of the uniforms, how much of badasses they are, and stuff like this.

I'll have some more stuff up tomorrow and something on Epic Carnival later on this evening. Have a wonderful Sunday everyone.