ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Yesterday was the opener for Spanish League opener for Barcelona, but more importantly, it was the first match Thierry Henry and Ronladinho got together for the same cause... having sex with many women net destruction. The only problem was, no one scored a damn goal:

Barcelona's hopes of wrenching the Spanish title back from Real Madrid suffered an early jolt Sunday when they could only draw 0-0 at Racing Santander, a day after Real had opened with a derby win at home to Atletico. The Catalan club, denied a title hattrick by Real's final day success in June, left French striker Thierry Henry on the bench to begin with before allowing him a half hour to impress after replacing Leo Messi.

Henry started on the pine pony? That seems like a little bit of a waste doesn't it? That's like having the prom queen on your bed, naked, waiting for you, but instead you take that chick that danced in the corner by herself with the gimp leg and the buckteeth.

But Barca's "Fantastic Four" strikers had left their shooting boots at home. "We lacked the freshness to make the difference," said coach Frank Rijkaard. "It wasn't a great showing and we have some work to do. Santander got a lot of players behind the ball and left us little space."

Four of the world's greatest strikers (the two aforementioned, Leo Messi and Samuel Eto'o) put up a giant goose egg for 90 minutes. Un-fucking-believable. I was totally anticipating that 274-0 score too. After the match, Barcelona would've celebrated the historic victory by having all the women in the stadium take off their clothes and they play an "exhibition" game... and the winner gets in my pants.

What the hell is Racing Santander anyways? All I can think of is someone tripping on crack and they choose to race a bull. I swear, that's the first thing I thought of when I heard that.