The Week from A to Z

Every week we'll be giving you the biggest news in Alphabet form. It's kinda like us helping you catch up on the week after you've been out partying and getting trashed on Saturday Nights. Don't worry, that hang over will go away soon after a few bottles of water...

A is for the Americans, who have completely dominated the FIBA America's tournament. I think they're averaging like 500 points a game or something like that. Totally video game like numbers. 'Mello has probably been the most consistent figure on the team, but don't forget that it's because of Kobe joining, this team has done so well. I'm convinced that if they win the gold in the upcoming Olympics, it's because of him. They'll take on Brazil for the final day of the first round.

B is for my new favorite Tampa Bay Buccaneer David Boston, who was charged with a DUI. The video is what makes it worth notable, because he blames two surgically repaired knees as to why he failed. That's funny, because usually you get arrested for that for drinking too much alcohol. I've noticed recently that my favorite players have become my "favorite players" because they're either rooted with controversy or are arrested. It's a little disheartening, but I don't think I'll be changing anytime soon.

C is for College Football, as In the Hunt gives his Southeastern Conference preview.

D is for David Beckham, who got a little "P-O'ed" from a late tackle in the Galaxy's match vs. Chivas USA. An altercation insues and headbutts.

E is for "extravagant parties"... but with wrestlers. So they're kinda more like staged parties. And using chairs as weapons instead of seats. And instead of spiking the punch with liqour, you do it with steroids. Pretty much my dream party. (Six Pack Sports Report)

F is for the Atlanta Falcons, who are going to try and recover $22 Million dollars from Michael Vick. And even $100 Million. They better spend all of that money on Jarius Norwood, because he is going to be toting alot of balls this season and is going to need A TON of "incentive" to play... to buy hookers.

G is for El Guapo, which I'm pretty sure means "The Handsome" in spanish. So why not make a bobblehead and tell a tale?

H is for living the "Hoodlyfe", as Fox Sports reports that the MLB hats are being used as gang colors. Wow, that's breaking news right there. Stop the fucking press. (Deuce of Davenport)

I is for crucial injuries, as Joe Mauer of the Minnesota Twins tweaked his left hamstring. And apparently, a few bloggers *ahem... want to give him a nice "rub down". (Babes Love Baseball)

J is for Josh McRoberts, who's playing the "I'm totally emo and everyone hates me" card. So, I assume that when he's unsuccessful making it with the Blazers, I should remember he's fighting hardships of people disliking him. I've never heard a story like that before... no, wait, that's a commonly used card amongst athletes, nevermind. They must not have alot of friends. (Shakedown Sports)

K is for the "Kazmanian Devil", AKA Scott Kazmir, who struck out 13 last night in a 14-3 laugher between the Devil Rays and the Athletics. Afterwards, the D-Rays gave Kaz his salary, $7 and change for his services. He bought a loaf of bread and a carton of milk for his family.

L is for Larry Johnson, who finally signed and is practicing with the Chiefs. I'm relieved, because I'm debating whether or not to draft him today if he's available in my drafts. (Winning the Turnover Battle)

M is for the midget version of KISS. YES. (Blog of Hilarity)

N is for nauseating love, as ESPN's Tim Kirkjidw39523aifnfan goes ga-ga for the Rangers putting up 30 runs versus the Baltimore Orioles. (Sports Unfiltered)

O is for Oklahoma Sooner Fans, who are going to suffer a black eye for having one of their own tearing the scrotum of a Texas fan. Who grabs someone's junk just for talking some trash? If someone is berating me, the last thing I go for is their "happy region".

P is for pussy fights between the current football players and former football players gone media. Yeah, Eli Manning and Tiki Barber. Is Celebrity Deathmatch still around? Because this would be an excellent match-up. (Ghosts of Wayne Fontes)

Q is for questionable moves, as the NFL has yet to suspend Eagles Coach Andy Reid for his sons "terrorizing" Philadelphia's hard streets. (Nation of Islam Sports Blog)

R is for Brazilian Soccer Star Ronaldo, who is losing some weight and looking good baby.

S is for Seville Defender Antonio Puerta, who suffered a heart attack during today's match.

T is for tennis, which according to Pete Carroll, has taught him "so much" about life and how to clear your mind. That's funny, I thought Carroll's mind was naturally empty. (Larry Brown Sports)

U is for uninspiring sex, as Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine speaks his out on his ex, Maria Sharapova. Apparently, she doesn't make any noise during sex and kinda lies there like a "dead frog". Please que

V is for Michael Vick's School for Disobedient Motha' Fuckin' Dogs and crankin' that "Solja" boy. What the hell does that mean?! (Sons of Sam Malone)

W is for Chien-Mien Wang, who won yesterday versus the Detroit Tigers. But that's not what's important, it's how naughty you can get with using his name for an article headline. Yeah, you lean on that Wang baby... (Awful Announcing)

X is for Xavier Lee, who I guess has his own TV show for Florida State? I think this makrs the first time there's been a television show for a terrible backup quarterback. If anyone else wants in, I'm going to promote the DJ Shockley Show. The show will have nothing but highlights of people having their knee destroyed. Greatest. Idea. Ever.

Y is for yearning to read more. Kinda like books like this! (Our Book of Scrap)

Z is for Zinedane Zidane, who might be heading to the MLS along with Ronaldo, following David Beckham's footsteps. If that happens, I will actually watch the MLS. Even if it's the shittiest professional league out there.