Weekend Warrior Picks!: The Final Stretch

Weekend Warrior's Picks is our weekly feature where we show you what to watch for over the weekend. Sports related, movies related, blogosphere, life related... you get the picture.

Hey, we're back in business people. Well, atleast with another segment of Weekend Warrior Picks. Work has been a pain in the ass, but atleast school will be here pretty soon, allowing me to write whenever I feel like it. I always will have time to check out the lovely Heather Bauer though... that's like, priority number 1 (NSFW). Anyways, let's get to work...

This week's song: Alice in Chains - Would?

FRIDAY

Well, like every Friday over the Summer, we've been let down on what's on tap in the sports world. But fear not friends, September is right around the corner and October, the best sports month of the year, soon follows. Until we're there though, let's check out the movies.

MOVIES:

The Bourne Ultimatum


Jason Bourne returns in the final chapter of the Bourne series, and in a film that will be guaranteed to have some sort of action, car chases, and lots of plot twists. Does anyone remember The Bourne Identity? I swear, the first time I watched that, I felt like I was doing fucking calculus. Just when you thought you were catching onto the plot, someone gets shot in a last second "I have valuable information you need" type things. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've loved this series but if you do as much as sneeze during the movie, you're gone. Well, I'll be sure to down alot of Red Bull before the flick so I can keep my head on a swivel.

Hot Rod


Saturday Night Live's Andy Sandberg will star in the movie about a self proclaimed stuntman trying to impress the world, and most importantly, super-hottie Isla Fisher. God, just look at her... I just wanna' cover her in ranch dressing and eat her like some hot wings... I mean... uh, *Ahem* excuse me... that was unprofessional. Anyways, this will probably be the first movie I'll want to check out, because on a Friday night, I definitly don't want to be thinking at all (hence, Bourne Ultimatum), except how to get into my date's panties. I'll have that on my mind at all times.

Remember, only I like to party! That'll be classic.

BASEBALL:

New York Mets vs. Chicago Cubs - Two of the National Leagues best teams will face off in a three game series in Wrigley Field and a little history might be made on Sunday, where Tom Glavine will be going for his 300th win of his career. While all of this is happening, I'll be finding Alfonso Soriano's ride, so I can key that motherfucker. But he is on my fantasy team, so I guess I can't be too mad at him.

New York Yankees vs. Kansas City Royals - You know, I really try to stay away from writing about ESPN's two favorite baseball teams, but I have to mention the Yankees because they're playing whiffle ball with how many home runs they've batted in the last three games. 15 homers? Christ. It's almost like everyone is walking home with some sort of souvenir. Hell, some of them walked away with hookers. Oh, wait... that was just A-Rod. Nevermind.

Pittsburgh Pirates vs. Cincinnati Reds - This is my usual worst match-up of the weekend. Although, both teams have been hitting the longball alot as of late (Ensburg and Dunn most notably). The first team to make the playoffs in the next decade gets my respect.

Atlanta Braves vs. Colorado Rockies - Well Mr. Teixera, you've proven so far that you're worth all of the billing. Teixera knocked his second homer for the Braves in as many days in a 11-12 lost in 14 innings to the Houston Astros.

Saturday

Well, again, not much going on Saturday, but I did find something rather interesting while scouring YouTube.

I introduce you to Rhain Davis:



Yeah, fucking 9 years old. Has more coordination in his two feet than I have in my whole body. By the way, Manchester United signed him to their junior team already. Those guys are either very competitive or very pedophile-rific!

I'll take the latter.

Sunday

Football?:



Blaaaaaaaaaah, so it's not real football, but it's something. The New Orleans Saints and the Pittsburgh Steelers will be facing off in the Hall of Fame game. You know, since it's a Hall-of-Fame game... shouldn't the Hall-of-Famers actually be playing in it? I would love to see some old dudes strap on the cleats once again and come down with herniated discs and swollen prostates. Not to mention that empty feeling of self worth since they had nothing else in the world besides football.

Yeaaaaaah!

Blogs:

My Brain Says Rage looks into the Washington Redskins Depth Chart
I always thought their depth chart was something from Hell, but maybe that's because they pay mediocre players big time bucks and wonder why they suck. Well, atleast Clinton Portis has shut up since his backing up for his (dare I use the pun?... yes!) "dawg" Michael Vick earlier this season. Wow, bad move dude. You would've been better off eating your own penis. Just sayin'...

Sports by Brooks questions Allison Stokke's apparent shunning of the media attention... by doing an interview on ESPN
Matt Ufford totally turned this chick into a household name, and her photography is a main stay under my bed. Until the night time is the right time!

Our Book of Scrap uncovers some strange Advertisements...
Hey! That last image looks alot like me. Well, except I'm not full of vitamins and good nutrition.


The Feed isn't down with Johan Santana's recent rant on the Twins
I'm sure sending him a large paycheck in the offseason will make him shut up, but it's whether Minnesota will actually have the bucks to compete with the rest of the league. If they open up a strip club however, and invite Pacman Jones and his posse', they'll have enough by December. Guaran-sheed.

Speaking of Pacman...
Pacman Jonesin' has OJ Simpson doing a TV interview
Wow, OJ must've been drinking his fucking genius juice when he gave the "OKAY, SURE I'LL DO AN INTERVIEW ON TELEVISION! I'M SURE THE NATION STILL LOVES ME! The only thing that would've made the interview better was if his Bronco busted through the wall behind him and ran him over... over and over.

Loser with Socks compares West Virginia's Bowl Record with the rest of the nation's
Oh lord, let the Big East bashing begin...

Well, that's all she wrote. Be sure to check in with Epic Carnival, as I might be posting there as well as here. I'm on the hunt for finding a new weekend editor to help me out and perhaps develop a daily link dump. If anybody's interested, hit me up with an email.