Weekend Warrior Picks!: Schools Almost Here

Weekend Warrior's Picks is our weekly feature where we show you what to watch for over the weekend. Sports related, movies related, blogosphere, life related... you get the picture.

Alright, I know I've been saying it for a while, but it's finally here. School baby. Now, to most of you, you're probably reading the screen with quizzical looks followed by a "what the fuck?". Listen my friends, school means partys. School means college football. School means more free time. Time to write whatever I want, when I want to. And constant access to my website to make it the best I can make it. Anyways, starting next Thursday, get ready for me to "step up the game" a little bit. More Photoshop plunders, more posts, more hot chicks, and most likely a drunk post or two. Which is very dangerous and probably isn't legal. Or atleast it's more legal than Tim Donaghy's weekend salary. Anyways, let's get to some Weekend Picks. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best:

Since this will be the last WWP of Summer, let's say Thanks for the Memories to Summer (and no, I'm not gay, Fall Out Boy can stumble on one good song to go with their 157 shitty ones... the theme fit).

Fall Out Boy - Thnks fr th mmrs


FRIDAY

MOVIES:

The Last Legion



I won't lie, I really don't know much about this movie other than the fact it features Aishwarya Rai. She's so beautiful it's sickening. The fact that she's a diehard religious freak just makes her even hotter. Oh, the movie... forgot about that. Apparently it's a movie about Romans being in peril and people come rescue them and shit. I'm sorry if I seem disinterested, nothing from Roman times lights my fire, unless it's God of War (quite honestly one of the greatest video games you could ever play).

Superbad



Okay, honestly, do I really need to convince you guys to check out this movie? The producers and writers of these movies give me quotes to get through the year. I guarantee... no wait, Guaransheed this movie will be worth your time. It's just science. Don't defy it. Or you're going to Hell because God hates you.

That's what He told me.

Anyways, I'm also in a bit of a pickle because although I want to see Superbad like a motha' tomorrow, I need to hit up Ybor City to see Ted Alexandro, my favorite comedian.



BASEBALL:

St. Louis Cardinals vs. Chicago Cubs - Okay, so the Cards want to make the NL Central an interesting division by finally getting over their World Series Championship hangover (took 8+ months?). They're 2 1/2 behind the Brew Crew for first place, 1/2 behind Chicago, and have won 5 straight. Yeah, blazing hot bats. Speaking of which, that Albert Pujols guys is pretty fucking good. He leads the Cards in pretty much every category except ERA and innings pitched. Batting Average (.318), homeruns (25), RBI's (76), and runs (75). You'd think the rest of the league would get the idea that no one else on the team can bat but this guy. That memo must've gotten filed under "USE FOR EMERGENCY TOILET PAPER".

New York Yankees vs. Detroit Tigers - The Yankees are so homoerotic. First, they get back into contention in the AL East, giving Boston fans the biggest fear in their lives since the Aqua Teen thing. Then they lose three straight. A-Rod gets the key to the city to New York, which I suppose it allows him to unlock any locked door a prostitute could be hiding behind? I fully expect the New York Post to be behind this tomorrow.

Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Atlanta Braves - Okay, you guys know I have a serious man crush on the Braves and although they are getting the best of most of the series they've been playing in, the Mets are still 3.5 up in the standings. To see how the Braves will fair against a red-hot ball club is interesting to me. The Diamondbacks will make the playoffs, no doubt, with Dane Cook not mentioning them at all in his wack commercials. Brandon Webb is starting tomorrow, a 12 game winner. Against? Let's toss in Lance Cormier, who has a solid 0-2 record with an even amazing record at 13.50. Atleast we'll be competitive. And when did the 'Backs officially switch over to the red jerseys? When'd they drop the purple and green?

PRESEASON FOOTBALL

Thought about it, but... naaaaaaaaaaah.

Saturday

MORE PRESEASON FOOTBALL

Still not feeling it.

SUNDAY

SOCCER:



LIVERPOOL Vs. CHELSEA - Talk about ball busters to kick off the EPL. Two of the leagues premiere ball clubs will battle on Liverpools pitch. Big names will be out there, like Frank Lampard (one man wrecking crew), Didier Drogba (scoring machine), Joe Cole, Ashley Cole, Michael (Michelle?) Ballack, John Terry... and that's only Chelsea. God they are loaded. Liverpool retaliates with Stephen Gerard, who will be playing with a broken toe. That's fucking soldier right there. And More Credible favorite Peter Crouch, who has a better chance of starting for the Orlando Magic than starting for Liverpool FC. Last time these two teams played, Liverpool won 2-0. However, no naked chicks ran onto the field to kick in either of those two goals, so the game was still boring... despite the high scoring affair.

BLOGS

Dinosaurs with Guns (My Brain says Rage)
-There's nothing else that needs to be said. Please, click away.

Ryan Seacrest could host the Superbowl, which is scarier than anything Hell can produce (Awful Announcing)
-After hearing the news, Terrel Owens began preparing his American Idol tape.

Barry Bonds thinks 2008 will be his final year. America Celebrates. (Five Tool Tool)
-So learn how each team in the league and their fans will send off the *ahem* "Home Run King". I can't believe anyone outside of my brother and I remember Sid Bream. God, he had the best mustache of all time.

Jose Offerman Charged the mound yesterday, but why? (One More Dying Quail)
-I've never seen anyone make a baseball bat look like a samurai sword. Does that make you talented? Or fucking psycho?


Wrestling has a Steroid problem? No! (Pacman Jonesin')
-Next thing you know, someone is going to tell me that cycling is clean. And that titties aren't nice to look at. I love this site, especially their favorite subject... PACMAN. By the way, who's the Truth? And why does he want to wipe a lions ass with sand paper?

The Cowboys and the Redskins rivalry has stretched out to teh internetz (Deuce of Davenport)
-Oooh, changing their Wikipedia page? Very original and harsh! I hear a "OH NO HE DIDNAAAANT" in the background.

Thanks for reading this week folks, it was nice to get back to a "normal" week for me on the site. Anyways, stay away from electrical sockets when playing with forks and knives. That's the best suggestion I've got to make sure your weekend is kickass.

Be sure to check in with The Carnival today, for my post on why Tennessee won't win the SEC East.

UPDATE: You can check it out here.