Weekend Warrior's Picks is our weekly feature where we show you what to watch for over the weekend. Sports related, movies related, blogosphere, life related... you get the picture.
It's so awesome to be back in school. I know I've been hyping it up for weeks, so after this post, I won't mention it anymore. But it's good to be in a town where everyone is your age and perky tits are the norm (Bless you Perky Tits, bless you). Sports news is completely common and it's nothing but stuff I want to hear, see, and talk about. Let's take for instance, Gators star recruit Chris Rainey, who had this quote to give The Alligator (our student ran newspaper) about living in Gainesville:
"Every time you see a fine girl (in Gainesville), you see another fine girl better than her. (Some people) like different color girls and stuff like that. I'm a white-girl man." - Chris Rainey, UF Running Back
I couldn't disagree more with Chris. I don't care what race she is, if she's hot and is equipped with the type of anatomy and body parts I like to play with, she's gold. Take for instance, the lovely Bianca Gascoigne, who really needs to lose her top. She's the average girl I'd be looking at, nothing less. But that's also because I have low standards for myself. Afterall, I do write a sports blog.
Anyways, lets get to some picks...
This weeks song:
Okay, so there really isn't anything I'm really stoked for as far as movies this weekend. Pretty much everything after Superbad is a little disappointing, because I won't watch another hilarious flick like that for a while. But this movies is sports related, regardless if they have the shitty Josh Hartnett in it. Atleast Samuel "FUCKIN' SNAKES ON A MOTHAFUCKIN' PLANE" Jackson will make the movie semi-interesting for us all. He looks freaky with those dreadlocks though. I'm going to need a few shots after this one to get that image off of my brain.
Chicago Cubs vs. Arizona Diamondbacks - Two first place teams clashing will always make my list and this one is no different. The Cubs are trying to stay ahead of the Milwaukee Brewers, who don't look completely shitty anymore. Not to mention that the San Diego Padres are only three back of the surging 'Backs. Offensive juggernaut/Arm-Cannon Mich Owings, will be on the mound tonight for the 'Backs.
New York Mets vs. Los Angeles Dodgers - I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm actually going to root for the biggest slob in baseball history (Brad Penny) to beat the Mets tonight for two reasons. One, because I'm a Braves domer and need the Mets to lose as many as possible. Two, I chose to start him over Oliver Perez, who will take the mound against him. Basically, if you don't win Brad, I'm coming over to your house and force-showering you. That's right, you won't have that smell of shat-on-feet anymore. And you won't like that... will you?
Atlanta Braves vs. St. Louis Cardinals - You know, there's no hope for my Bravos. They can't pitch outside of Smoltz and Hudson. And despite Mark Texiera's home run heroics, they're just really really bad right now. And the Cardinals are good. And hot. *sigh...
Yes, sure, there's football on but it's still pre-season. Thank God this stuff starts for real next week. It's almost too good to be true.
I'm not really into sweaty guys beating the shit out of one another on a Saturday night, but alot of people are really psyched about this battle between Randy Couture and Gabriel Gonzaga. I just don't feel like the style of fighting does the name "Ultimate Fighting Championship" justice. Maybe if there were more explosives, drinking before battles, wild animals, homeless people to beat in the ring, and topless chicks holding up the Round number signs, I'd really starting calling it "The Ultimate Fighting Championship".
Barcelona vs. Racing Santander - I don't know anything about Racing Santander, other than it's a pretty cool name for a soccer club, but I'm stoked to see Thierry Henry and Ronaldinho play together for the first time on a professional club. I can only hope the score is 284-0. If the score does get up this high, you folks just need to find someone else to write this blog, because I'll be dead from excitement.
Frank Lampard is redeeming himself as one of my favorite soccer players with his newest contract demands (100% Injury Rate)
-I really hope this story is true. Anyone that asks to go by "Mr. Lampard" and will not be looked directly in the eye unless he's speaking to you damn well deserves it.
David Boston is an excellent driver, just like Tony LaRussa! (Larry Brown Sports)
-Hey David, way to redeem yourself. Looks like that comeback transition is coming alot smoothly.
"Dude, your parents are out of town? Let's build a water slide!" (Awful Announcing)
-What's different with these guys now than what they had after they built the slide? Absolutely nothing. Because they're still virgins because they didn't throw a party everynight. Way to use those noggins kids. You pretty much cock-blocked yourselves. Chicks do not dig guys who build water slides. They dig assholes, jocks, and assholes who drink. I qualify for two and a half of those.
Reggie Miller's comeback isn't happening. Sorry Celtic fans. (Pacman Jonesin')
-It's a shame, I really dig Snaggletooth's jumpshot.
The Rams have a strange way of making themselves comfortable in St. Louis (Doberman on the Diamond)
-Their history is very good and all, but how about some history on Steven Jackson's dreadlocks? When were they born? Do they talk? Do they work well with kids?
Dinosaurs racing Humans would be fun to watch (Sons of Sam Malone)
-But Dinosaurs with Guns is just a tad bit better. Remember, when out running a dinosaur, you don't have to outrun the dino. Just your friend.
Do the Rangers have a thing for the Pig Pen? (The Pig Pen)
-Scoring 30 runs in one game is a damn good way of showing your emotions. Hold, I might be shedding a tear because it's so beautiful...
Because I go to an SEC school, I've got to laugh at some of our... "bad qualities" (With Leather)
-Yeah, I know. We teach our kids bad things to say around here and most of us are a bunch of 'necks. That's what happens when you lose the Civil War. Just think, had the South won, the entire country would be just like us. Save the mullet hair cut and bathtub moonshine, you can't do that anywhere else but down here.
Alright, that's all I've got. I'll see you folks
I am off to get drunk.