GETTING LAID

Getting Laid is our look into who had the biggest games over the weekend and in short... is surely getting some action in the sack. And if we (the fan) get any action because of their play, double the points!


Player: Matthew Stafford, Quarterback, Georgia
Level of Action: Georgia Southern Peaches

That game against Alabama was a big, big momentum swing for the 'Dawgs. Considering they were already a game back in the SEC (losing a game to the Gamecocks), Georgia needed a signature win on the road to put them back in the now loaded SEC East race. UGA's gunslinger was 19-35 for 224 yards with 2 TDs and 2 INTs. And also threw the game winning touchdown in overtime. After the game, Matthew was the first one on the bus to get back to the hotel. Let's just say that there was some extra "incentive" from booster's daughters Saturday night after that performance.


Player: Glenn Dorsey, Defensive Tackle, LSU
Level of Action: "Triple Tiger Tail"

Is this not the terror of the SEC or what? Dorsey is a damn possessed beast down there in the trenches and I'm convinced his play is what fueled the LSU's win. Demanding double/triple teams from the 'Cocks, he still got free for a sack and several tackles for loss. Spurrier's offense could never get going because of the disruption in the backfield thanks to the talented and speedy defensive line of the Tigers. Glenn's a big boy, no doubt, and not only is he demanding double/triple teams on the football field, but I bet he's demanding it in his dorm room as well.

Player: Mike Hart, Running Back, Michigan
Level of Action: Vicious Vulva


Okay, I'll give credit where credit is due. I really thought Michigan had no shot of beating Penn State on Saturday. Something about how awful they were playing and my belief that Penn State's defense was actually nasty. Oh how wrong I was. On a career high 44 carries, Hart ran for 153 yards and a score. For once, Michigan looked like the top 5 team they were supposed to be pre-season and are off to a solid start in conference play. After that many carries, the ladies were sure to give Hart one of those slooooooow rub-downs. Enjoy my man... enjoy.


Player: Tim Tebow, Quarterback, Florida
Level of Action: Mighty Muff!

Tebow had arguably his best game as a Gator in his first away game start. Ole Miss had no answer for the sophomore on the ground or through the air, as he threw for 261 yards, 2 TDs and ran for 166 yds and two more scores. Percy Harvin caught 11 of those balls and one of Tebow's scores. Late in the game, it was Tebow that was running the ball for time consuming first downs, not any of Florida's running backs. Tebow has officially put himself in the running for the Heisman trophy and in the running for "Most likely to make 'Getting Laid' on a Weekly Basis". An achievement that is clearly more significant than a stupid bronze trophy.


Player: Brian Westbrook, Running Back, Philadelphia Eagles
Level of Action: Throwback Spread Eagle

The Eagles have been off to a really shitty start this season, with losses to the Packers and the Redskins. Donovan McNabb has been under the microscrope... yet again (le yawnz)... and it looked like Big Reid's football team weren't going to get any offensive production this season. Enter Brian Westbrook. The Eagles horse. Westbrook had a retarded yards per carry average against the Lions (7.9), going for a buck-10 and two scores and caught 5 passes for 111 yards and another score. Some folks probably would've put McNabb in this slot, but not so fast my chubby friends. McNabb was going bonkers for one reason, the Lions actually had to respect the Eagles play-action, allowing McNabb to throw that deep ball. Go Brian go, enjoy that City of Brotherly Love's... uhh... love? (And by the way, those unis were amazing).


Player: Tony Romo, Quarterback, Dallas Cowboys
Level of Action: Confident Cunt

I am really impressed with Romo. For a guy that could've easily keeled over and gone "WOE IS ME" after botching a snap in the Cowboy's playoff loss last season, he's come out this season firing and playing like a true professional. I mean, shit, he's so impressive I'm starting to write seriously about him. How the fuck do you do that? He's just so... perfect. Dreamy. Suaave. And he was just about the same in the second half against the Chicago Bears Sunday Night. All night Romo was avoiding sacks and torching the NFC's best defense for 329 yards, two scores, and a pick. He also fed the T.O. monster, who had 8 catches for 145 yards. And now, Romo gets to go home and bang Carrie Underwood. Yeah, if I was dating that, I'd smile like a token white guy too.

(All images via Getty Images)