WEDNESDAY. SO. SLOW.

Being that it is Wednesday, the sporting world is making it hard for me to get inspired to write. All that's on the tube tonight is baseball, and let's face facts, I'd rather have a bowling ball dropped on my dick than sit through another regular season game. And it seems like every media outlet on TV wants to take the OJ Simpson story and all ESPN wants to goosh about is how close the AL East division lead is and OMG THA RED SAWX AND YANK33S ARE PLAYING BA53B#LL.

So while I'm sitting in class, being a rebel by not taking notes, I'll give you the things that have been going through my head this morning:

-Is there any way the Mets could choke out the NL East? They only have a 1.5 game lead right now and Ryan Howard has been playing like a pissed off man the last month and a half.

-The Joey Harrington Experiment comes to another abrupt close after the Falcons signed Byron Leftwich to a 2 year deal. I don't understand why anyone plays this clown. Have we not learned from Detroit Lions or the Miami Dolphins that this guy obviously can't adjust to the speed of the NFL. His eyes must be wide open for every snap, because it looks like someone is dropping him into a pool of retarded, overgrown piranhas... Actually, let's try that just once could we?

-I'm really surprised no one else has jumped on the Chuck Cecil story. If you're not aware of who he is, or give a rats ass, he's an assistant coach for the Tennessee Titans. He got a DUI the night before playing the Colts. When coaches have that good of judgment are in the NFL, I feel like my dream of winning 7 straight Super Bowls as a clipboard jockey, is still alive.

-Why would I trade Adrian Peterson for Calvin Johnson in my fantasy league?

-OJ Simpson is racking up charges like Chris Henry arrests. Just look at how smug he looks as he's being "escorted" into the SUV. Could he be anymore of an arrogant asshole? I wish someone would dismember him and beat him with his own limbs.

-Is Miami going to get it's ass beat in the Orange Bowl this weekend against the Texas A&M Aggies? Something erks me about this team, it's almost as if they have the talent to be one of the better teams in the ACC, but can't put it together on the field like they could at a local shooting range. Well, maybe it doesn't bother me so much, I'm proud of Randy Shannon having a clean slate up until this point. I really think Stephen McGee could end up being the player of the year in that conference, unless Sam Bradford continues his Touchdown Armageddon he's unleashed on Oklahoma's foes.

-You know, South Carolina being undefeated up until this point is really nice, but I don't think Spurrier has the talent to go into Death Valley and get a win. Blake Mitchell would have to get some serious underage poonanie the night before to stand a chance.

-Speaking of poon, it's nice to see SEC Poon come back. I need to submit some of my goods (via Facebook) into those guys. Show them what some mean SEC Poon really looks like. By the way, I've seen the picture they got in trouble for and it's complete bullshit (and not hot, FYI). More on that later.

-Who's the clear cut candidate for the Heisman right now? With Arkansas losing to Alabama the other night, Darren McFadden's candidacy has taken a shot. As long as USC keeps winning, I don't see how John David Booty can lose it. He could have pedestrian numbers and still walk with the trophy. It's a shame that College Football's greatest trophy has become a popularity contest, and not focus on what's really important...

Who's nailed more hot ass?

Who's the best player in the nation? Actually, I probably shouldn't have struck out that first statement because most of the time, there's a direct correlation with hot ass and consistent play. True story.

Although there's more talk about Colt Brennen being the favorite. I wouldn't mind, as long as he puts up more XBOX numbers against WACK opponents. Oh, shit, WAC opponents, that's right. And how about Tebow? I like Smack Talk's ploy to sell shirts... HE15MAN.

Clever.