WEEKEND WARRIOR PICKS: ON THE ROAD

Weekend Warrior's Picks is our weekly feature where we pick college footballs biggest games over the weekend. Usually, it gives me another reason to post pictures of half-naked women. It's my way of giving back to the community, while giving you insight... for once.

It was a slow week on the site, I know. But hey, atleast I did post. You jerks don't even most of the time. That's because I'm a champ and you're a chump. Rocky over here hasn't posted in weeks, but that's probably because he's riding high on his Bulls 3-0 start this young football season. Whether he's been leading that cute little pooner to his changing room, I'm not quite sure. This week I'm without Jenn and Max for the picks, so you fuckers will just have to deal with me, which I'm sure is drawing a few "ooohs" and "aaahs"... but mostly "boos". My response is: "Yes I'll drink your boos, show me to your cooler."

FRIDAY

WEST VIRGINA MOUNTAINEERS @ SOUTH FLORIDA BULLS

More Credible: Our hats are off to Jim Leavitt and his coaching staff for getting USF’s football program to where it is today. I’d imagine recruiting must be as difficult as a whore There’s no question about it, this is the biggest game in the Bulls short football history. They’re playing their second game as a ranked team and their first where both teams were ranked. Quarterback Matt Grothe and defensive end George Selvie (you know, that guy leading the nation in sacks?) will lead the Bulls against the #2 rushing offense in the country with West Virgina. You guys already know about Pat White and Steve Slaton, but Noel Devine you might not be. He's averaging 11.1 yards a carry which is just a shade under my rushing average for flag football... in Co-Ed. The Bulls counter with the Big East's second best yards per game average on defense (237.7 ypg). It's your classic "offense vs defense" match, which is also comparable to match ups like "protected sex vs. risk of offspring" or "my car hood vs. pedestrians on campus". This would be the biggest game of the weekend if it weren't for that barnburner out west (Oregon vs. Cal). Anyways, More Credible will be in Tampa for the game, so expect photography and hopefully there will be some sh'ladies, material for Big East Poon, and Cerveza. Lots of it. Despite the fact I'm pulling for the home state team, I'm going to take the Mountaineers, way too much speed on offense and I don't think USF is ready for a championship just quite yet. Go ahead, call me a hater... I'm just realistic.

SATURDAY

CALIFORNIA GOLDEN BEARS @ OREGON DUCKS

Can someone explain why this is a 3:30est kickoff? I was kinda hoping I could come home and this would be a prime time kickoff (10:00est). Man, so many points are going to be scored in this game, with both teams averaging over 40 points a game (41.5 for Cal and 48.5 for Oregon). Not to mention there are two Heisman hopefuls in Dennis Dixon and DeSean Jackson. Oregon's Jonathan Stewert leads the conference in rushing and points in my heart. The winner of this game is going to be the best bet to knocking out USC, even if both teams refuse to play defense. I've heard a lot about Autzen "The Zoo" Stadium, but I can't remember a big game the Ducks have won there in recent years (that Oklahoma game last year was won by the refs... clearly). What I have seen though is that Duck mascot beating the tar out of other mascots, and that gets my definite thumb of approval. I'll take the Quack Attack, and another shot of tequila before I fire up the Expedition to head South please.

CLEMSON TIGERS @ GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS

MC: Have the Jackets been a disappointment this season or what? Almost comparable to hearing Maria Sharapova being awful in bed. I really had high standards for them this season, but then again, I had those same standards for the prostitute in Cozumel before she showed me what "el gato gordo" really means. That's a bad image I'm never going to shake. The Tigers have played above standards, and C.J. Spiller is probably jovial he stayed at Clemson. But I think this week the Jackets will play with a little motivation after losing two straight. Call it a premonition, or call me retarded, but I'll take the Jackets defense shutting down Clemson's running game.

ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE VS. FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLES
MC: If Cal and Oregon is the best game this weekend, this is the most intriguing game. The game will be played in Jacksonville, so it'll be a "neutral" site. Florida State fans have never been known to travel, but I think they'll splurge this week and hit the road for a game that's only a three hour drive from Tallahassee. Alabama really blew it last week against Georgia, and I think it was good for them because there wasn't a shot in hell Saban was going to go unscathed and win a national championship with that squad. The offense has actually gotten worse since he got there, in case you were wondering. Oh, and Florida State's offense is still awful, in case you're wondering. It'll be battle of the defense's here, so I'll take Alabama because they aren't nearly as anemic as FSU with the ball. I also think FSU's recent "news" with the whole cheating scandal and Geno Hayes getting arrested will have an effect. By the way, Bowden has taken action against Hayes. Saying "he won't start" but that means "he'll play the rest of the game after that". Discipline is important... or something.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJANS @ WASHINGTON HUSKIES

MC: USC is unstoppable in the PAC-10. What else am I going to say? They have no shot to lose. They're beautiful boys... all of them, and Pete Carroll can draw game defensive schemes better than Notre Dame's Touchdown Jesus. I really don't have much to say about this game except Washington's Jake Locker is going to get pummeled. Hopefully, the Song Girls will take over for the third team in the fourth quarter. That would be totally entertaining. I'd Pay-Per-View that shit. It'd be like softcore porn... for football.

AUBURN TIGERS @ FLORIDA GATORS

MC: If you were keeping count last year, Auburn was the only game that Florida lost on their way to a National Championship. Auburn's defensive line dominated the game, getting to then Quarterback Chris Leak time after time. This year, Tim Tebow, more Percy Harvin, and Florida's home field advantage will be the intangibles for this game. Auburn's offense has been awful this season, and Quarterback Brandon Cox has already been benched once. The Tigers leading rusher Brad "The Molester" Lester will ride the pine pony for academic reasons (at Auburn? Wow, he must be REAAAAAALLY dumb). Although Florida's defense has been spotty at best, they'll shut down the Tigers running game and will make Cox put the ball in the air. Which is probably the worst thing that could happen, now that I think about it. The Gators circled this game a long time ago, as "payback" so expect a semi-close performance to what they did versus the Vols. I've got Florida.



Anyways, that's all I've got for today. You know that you should hit up the Carnival for more sports blogging fun. I'll have a post about the USF/WVU game on Sunday, and I'll probably slurp Florida a bit as well. Tiger fans are not advised to visit the site on Sunday.