JASON KIDD MIGHT LIKE BREASTS

Let me paint the picture for you:

NBA Star, going out to a trendy nightclub, yadda yadda yadda, accusations of groping, get up the next day to run sprints and suicides for your franchise. Just a normal day in the life of a basketball player:

The New York Police Department confirmed Wednesday the 23-year-old woman filed a complaint against another club-goer on Oct. 11, a day after she said she was harassed and groped her at the Tenjune club. The NYPD declined to discuss the case further.

A police official confirmed news reports that the woman told police Kidd approached her inside the club and, without warning, grabbed her crotch. She said when she tried to fend him off, he kept grabbing her until she was forced to leave, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation hadn't been concluded.

Kidd's got it made dude. A wife he's been married to for 10 yea- que? They're getting a divorce? Okay, uhh... he's never pleaded guilty to spousal abuse? (He's done that too?) Uhh... his seed produces Covenant children from Halo? Sure!

It's too fucking hard to keep your hands to yourself when these chickenheads young ladies are walking around in these scantly-clad outfits out at the club. Like last Thursday night when this fox walked by wearing some white bell-bottom jeans that looked like they were choking her uterus. I couldn't resist myself, I had to grab that ass. I'll take my chances in a sexual harassment case anytime rather than live with myself had I not gone for the gold. We've all got to think like my boy Kobe. You know that if you were in that situation, you were going to be banging that booty.

What? That ass belongs to you? I could've sworn it was saying "take me home tonight" by the sound of things. Or maybe that was the sounds of handcuffs clipping around my wrists?