YOU WILL RESPECT GOOD 'OLE WAYNE

If you're familiar with the site, you know that I've got a thing for Wayne. Not like a "I'd like to hold you in the rain and sing 'My Heart will go on' for you" type thing, but more like a "I want to drink with you and have a broken-bottle fight with your critics" type thing. Clothes would be optional. So when Wayne scores the lone, game winning goal for Manchester United in yesterday's 1-0 ghastly boring Champions League Match over AS Roma, you know I'm going to show some love:

"It was marvelous," (Man U's Coach) Ferguson purred.

Purring? It's got to be the new diet: Meow-Mix instead of aborted fetus.

"It was a similar goal to the one he scored at AC Milan (last season) - a diagonal run across the defenders, a great pass in and a great finish."

Ferguson also had praise for goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak's contribution to the victory on his Champions League debut.

"He was excellent. He made some good saves, a couple of good blocks. And they missed a couple of chances, good chances actually, and maybe we carried a little bit of luck at those moments," the United boss acknowledged.

Favorite part of this whole story, Francesco Totti plays for AS Roma. I cannot stand that smug asshole. He's the type of guy that really makes you hate Italian players. Like the kind that you wouldn't mind if they died by meatball assault. It's the new white belt amongst the gangs in Compton. Not like I've ever been in Compton before, because if I did, I wouldn't be here writing today.

Congratulations from yours truly Rooney, may all your ass be quality and your beer be cold straight from the tap.