THE RAINBOW WARRIORS WANT TO LEI YOU (OUT)

When you think of hostile College Football environments, what pops up in your mind? LSU, Alabama, Oregon, Penn State, Michigan, and Florida perhaps. Well, go ahead and add Hawaii to that list after this story recalled by a Fresno State fan from last weekend's clash:

The first big fight took place late in the first quarter. A Hawaii fan with a sign that read “Eat Spam Pound FresNo” (reading E.S.P.N. and actually proclaimed funny by most Dog fans near us) felt the need to spit into the Fresno section while his friend flipped us off and cussed at us. After his sign was pulled down by a Fresno fan who had been spit on, the Hawaii group hurled a full cup of beer into the Fresno section. From what I could see, at least two Hawaii fans also threw punches at a couple of our fans while another group of our fans tried franticly to summon security. It took a full 7 to 8 minutes for the first security officers to get to the section and another 10 minutes to try to figure out what had happened. They ended up escorting out a Fresno fan who was about 65 years old and had been one of the recipients of the Hawaii fan’s taunting, spitting, and punching while most of our section screamed at the cops that the man had done NOTHING wrong.

It was at about this time that a large Samoan man, who was sitting with his family about five rows behind us and across the aisle, began cussing at us using every word in the book while holding his little boy in his lap. The boy couldn’t have been older than 3 and he’s sitting there watching his dad cuss out a poor Fresno woman while her husband sat there helpless.

And the Father of the Year Award goes to... Fat Ass Samoan Man in the Nosebleeds. Congratulations.

You'd think a football powerhouse like Hawaii would develop a fanbase that's controlled and calm. I wonder what it would be like to be a Rainbow Warrior fan? You'd think I'd be burnt out all the time from all the ganj but I'd be a pretty intense football fan. Better yet, if I were a Hawaii fan, I'd be pretty pissed off about opposing fans all the time. Fucking queers... mainlanders. You guys are constantly visiting us, mocking our traditions, and totally running our economy with your tourist dollars and buying our cheap and lousy trinkets. So why am I going to be courteous to you when you're watching your team play in my stadium? I'd rather mug your ass, cuss out your kid, and smite your mother, douche-fag. You landlovers are a plague. Yeah, and quit fucking abusing "Aloha". Whoopin'-Dingleberries, it means both "hello" and "goodbye". I wish we'd come up with a word that meant both "I just put it in your sister/girlfriend". Yeah, I'd drink to that. And quit hating on my boy Colt Brennan. He's got an arm like Rex Grossman's Rocket Cock, prepared to unleash the destruction on Cover-2 defenses at any time. He could have the God-damn Rainbow Flag tattooed on his penis and I'd claim it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

By the way, I just made your car a molotov cocktail during the 4th quarter after Brennan's umpteenth touchdown. It told me it tasted fucking delicious, that was after it told me that motor vehicular arson was the balls.